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[14 Mar 2005|06:46pm] |
today is day one of my new restricting thing... so far, i've had about 565 cals, but it could be more or less than that.. i had a mocha to keep me awake, and i don't know how many cals were in it, and now i'm feeling bad, bcuz if i hadn't had it, i would be at like 200-300 cals now... but still, today was still good.
i talked to sam for the first time in a week or so. i'm really excited that he's going to prom with me, but after i talked to him, i felt empty. weird...
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[11 Mar 2005|08:26pm] |
I HATE HIM. i don't care if he is my friend's brother. he dumped and humiliated me, and then he has the nerve to call me and ask if i'm doing anything tonight.
alejandro can DIE.
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[09 Mar 2005|10:07pm] |
i lost 7 lbs. decent, but i need to lose about 25 more.
i ate kfc for dinner. i don't know what got into me. i tried to purge and it wouldn't come up. i'm so pissed off about it.
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[26 Jan 2005|12:05am] |
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i bought a new scale. i hate the numbers. i'm stressed because of finals and i've been eating like mad. need to stop, but can't. i did get a gym membership and i go every day, but not for as long as i should. i want to do tahitian competitions, but the costume would look hideous on me. i need to find discipline again...
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[23 Oct 2004|11:16pm] |
today at adriana's house, her mom said i looked like i had nothing on me. i wish it were true. like, compared to her family, i'm teeny, but they're all really really strong. i mean, alejandro can bench 350 for god's sake. but yeah, even if it was a lie, it still made me somewhat happier.
alejandro and i swore a few weeks ago that we wouldn't hook up ever again. that didn't last very long. i gave him a ride back from football on monday, and we started making out in my car. one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. totally unintentional, but it happened. and when i stayed at adriana's last night, we did it again. i know i don't like him, but sleeping with him is so much fun. i feel safe when he's got his arms around me, i feel small and delicate, and i love that feeling. i don't know what's going to happen with this. i want to keep hooking up with him, and i know he feels the same way, i mean, he started it both times. i really like the sex, but it's so risky. but the risk is what i like about it, so i guess we'll see what happens...
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[22 Sep 2004|11:17pm] |
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i ate like nothing all of last week and now i totally don't care. i tried eating under 1000 calories today, and that didn't work. at all. sooo starting tomorrow, it's one meal: dinner, and that's before 5. i have to do this, i need to lose weight... i got to the point where my abs were getting the definition back, but i have to get skinnier...
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| yuck |
[05 Sep 2004|06:19pm] |
adriana's family force feeds me.
the only thing i've eaten today was an english muffin.
i've gotta lose this weight, all the pictures i took on vacation look like shit. i can't live like this any more.
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[07 Aug 2004|12:35am] |
south beach didn't work out so well. apparently, whenever i cut carbs, my bloodsugar gets really insanely low and before i know it i'm a rampaging psycho who's yelling and screaming and cannot control her anger. so i abandoned the madness and decided to just eat whatever the fuck i felt like eating, because no matter what, i'm still leaving to italy on tuesday, and i'm going to eat there. so there's no point in losing weight before i leave only to gain it back, right? altho today i didn't eat until 6:30. but i need to stop doing that. because once i eat, i can't stop, as evidenced by the huge amounts of plates and bowls sitting by my sink. hah good thing my parents are gone...
if i were to eat nothing but sunflower seeds, would i lose weight? i mean, it has everything that you need in it, like some fat, carbs, and protein. so if i ate those and chugged water, it makes sense that i'd lose weight, right? hmm... i'll try it before i leave.
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| day 1 of the south beach diet |
[27 Jul 2004|05:34pm] |
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well, eating healthy foods did absolutely nothing for me because i couldn't actually stick to it... sooo dana and i are going back to our old ways of limiting carbs and shit... except that dana's veggie, so she's gonna have a harder time eating... but yeah, with dana doing the same thing i am, it'll be easier to stick to it when i'm out with the girls.... so hopefully, this will work out, because i'm tired of looking fat and ugly...
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| ROAR |
[18 Jul 2004|01:58am] |
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vh1 i love the 90's |
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i am a fucking pig and deserve to die. the fruit and veggie thing did not work out AT ALL. i did pretty well until like 3, when my mom made me have a bite of her sandwich. i didn't think it'd be a big deal, i mean it was only a sandwich. WRONG!!! the sandwich was fucking orgasmic, and i just had to have one of my own. then started the endless bingeing that i did ALL FUCKING DAY. i had pasta, mexican food, and a pint of ben and fucking jerry's, among a shitload of other things. yes, i ate a whole fucking pint of ice cream, and now i'm sitting here with my second pint complaining about how i'm going to become morbidly obese. fuuuuuck i need some help... i can't make myself stop eating. fuck fuck fuck.
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| crash diet... |
[17 Jul 2004|01:20pm] |
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aite, so i woke up this morning and realized that i look like a fucking cow. this is just great. that whole feeling good thing just went right out the window. fruits and veggies only from now on. and this time, i'm sticking to it.
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| been busy.. |
[10 Jul 2004|10:48pm] |
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music |
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christina aguilera-somebody's somebody |
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i haven't updated in a while... i tend to not do that when my normal life is working just fine... i haven't liked my life this much in a really long time, and it's a good feeling. i've gained about 2 pounds, but when i measure myself, i'm smaller, so i'm guessing it's muscle. i don't really care about weight gain right now... like it'd be good to lose weight, but i'm not gonna trip myself out about it. adriana and her family have me feeling really good about myself. i love them so much because of it. for one, they're all bigger than me, but whenever i start to say that i need to lose weight, her mom always goes "oh honey, you do not! you're beautiful, and if you saw at the way guys look at you, you'd see that." and yes, it is true. whenever i go somewhere with adriana and her family, guys will not stop checking me out. but hearing them tell me that i'm fine the way i am has started to make me feel better about myself, and now i'm starting to believe it.
alejandro and i had a little talk last week. adriana had been making things a little hard for both of us, but when we both talked, we realized that we didn't actually like each other. we liked having the forbidden romance, we liked the danger of it, but that's about it. i'm so happy that it's all worked out for good now, because now i have two of the best friends in the world. things are so good right now!!
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| excercise is good. |
[24 Jun 2004|11:30pm] |
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family guy... |
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i've been excercising like a mother fucker. swim team in the morning, running in the afternoon, and dancing twice a week. dancing is hardcore... i sweat more when i dance than anything else. i've been eating ok i guess.. hardly ate anything today until just now, which i totally shouldn't have eaten, but oh well...
been spending a lot of time with adriana lately... like, more than normal. i see her family more than i see mine. like, i see her every day to go running, and i slept over there last night and didn't leave her house until about an hour ago. i'm going back tomorrow after swim practice tooo... hahaha
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| it's early in the morning |
[21 Jun 2004|01:03am] |
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the tv |
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me and adriana went running on friday. i am sooo out of shape, but i'll be better tomorrow. i've been eating whatever i want, but i don't care because it's summer and i'm swimming and running every day, so it doesn't really matter. actually, it does, but i'm too lazy right now to care.
i spent the day with aaron and trishelle, my 3rd cousins. it was so fun, we chilled in sf for until like 5, and then we came home and watched a beyonce concert, which really sucked. damn, i didn't know she was that big. trishelle and me were laughing at her clothes, and aaron was like "i think my thighs are smaller than hers." it was funny. trishelle saw britney spears in concert, and she said that britney was bigger too. that makes me feel better. it was so good to see aaron and trishelle again. aaron and i hadn't ever really talked until today, but trishelle and i got pretty close last summer. aaron's a really good swimmer (like he has national records), and trishelle used to do gymnastics and swimming. we need to hang out more...
anyway, it's like 1 am, and i'm watching boiling points on mtv. i need to sleep tho, i have practice in the morning... bye!
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| the madness is ending!!! |
[16 Jun 2004|02:51pm] |
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d12-how come |
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last day of school was today!! i totally failed my geometry and spanish final, but i'm way past caring... arielle wanted me to go to her house with the rest of the group, but i really didn't want to. i ended up going to chevys with adriana, charlene, rachelle, and bri. it was so fun. rachelle had to come late, so we told the waiter it was her birthday and she randomly got a cake and a hat. it was great. we couldn't spend that much time out because bri had to work and rachelle's family is going to their grandma's house in danville or something...
i feel so sick right now. i don't even know why, i just have a really bad head ache, and i don't take painkillers, so this really sucks... i think i'm gonna try and go sleep. bye!
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| splurge week |
[12 Jun 2004|10:03pm] |
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sleepy |
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chingy-one call away |
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so the whole eating healthy thing didn't work out. i think i have a problem where i eat really well for one week and then eat hella shit the next week. actually, this week i wouldn't have been able to eat healthy food because i was never anywhere that offered healthy food... bleh oh well. tomorrow is a new day and a new week, which means that i'm gonna be good. plus, i'm gonna burn off soo many calories because i have a folklorico workshop from 9 to 3. i'm gonna die, but it'll be a pleasant death involving pretty shoes. hahaha.
got my permit, i'm proud. my picture is excellent, and i had the best time showing adriana's family my little stack of papers. her mom was so funny, she gave me this huge hug and then we started dancing in the kitchen. only with adriana's family...
swim meet today, kicked ass, went home, and slept. that's seriously everything i did. oh, i ate too. but i deserved it, i could hardly walk after the meet because i swam so hard. lol oops.
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| it won't let me quit... |
[11 Jun 2004|10:09pm] |
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nickelback-believe it or not |
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ok, so i was totally going to go to the studio on thursday to quit, but then in biology, when i was totally set to end everything, i started hearing nutcracker music. yes, the video we were watching in bio had nutcracker music in it. TWICE!!! it was the lollipop music, which was really weird because that's the solo that i would kill for. so i was like "wow, maybe it's a sign??" and then someone's cell phone went off, and it was the chinese music. it was freaking insane. but i totally knew ballet was something i didn't want to do any more, so i went to the studio after school to talk to penny anyways. i saw hilary there, and we were talking for a while, when danae comes out and she's like "oh, janelle, penny just called, she's stuck in traffic and she wants you to lead floor barre." ok, as if my day couldn't get any crazier, i had to see danae. she gave me nasty looks. but so i told danae in a very sugar sweet "i hate your fucking guts" voice that i wasn't taking class. but i was so mad that penny wasn't there, because now i have to go down there again, but not for another few weeks because penny's going to new york on monday. dammit...
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| fuck this.. |
[09 Jun 2004|08:31pm] |
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pissed off |
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eminem-when the music stops |
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i hate danae so much. she's my ballet teacher for tuesdays, and i haven't been going to her class because i hate her and she hates me. actually, i haven't been going to any classes lately because i'm totally losing interest.. but anyway, hilary was talking to me about half an hour ago, and she's all "yeah, danae was going through the roll list and she saw your name and went 'janelle, let me guess. NO!!' and then she rolled her eyes." good god, i hate that woman. she's already so mean to me in class, and this incident does nothing to encourage me to continue paying her salary. fuck... well, that's the last straw. i was already gonna not go back ever again, and now it's for sure. i just have to go tomorrow and talk to penny and tell her i'm quitting. i think penny and hilary are the only people i'm going to miss out of that god forsaken studio. penny's the greatest teacher and she's been really nice to me since the beginning, and hilary's become one of my best friends. well, good bye ballet...
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| in those jeans... |
[08 Jun 2004|03:10pm] |
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r kelly-hotel |
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the weekend was pretty fun. i stayed at adriana's house on saturday night. we went out to dinner on sunday, then to adriana's confirmation mass. alejandro sat next to me during dinner. we were talking about all kinds of crazy stuff, it was so fun. rachelle and charlene were making fun of me because alejandro likes me. adriana told her mom that he likes me and she thinks that he doesn't, he's just getting to know me. hahaha it's so funny. i don't know if he does or not.. like, yeah, i made out with him but we haven't ever talked about it or anything.. i want to think he does, but i can't let myself believe it all the way. the whole thing has been on my mind for the last two days. i guess i'll just have to wait and see what happens...
i ate like a pig yesterday. i had hardly eaten anything until friday, then i ate a bunch. saturday i ate a lot, and sunday i only ate dinner with adriana. wait, i lied, i had cereal in the morning. yesterday i was in an interesting mood and it seemed like everywhere i looked there was a commercial for food, and i had to eat. today i'm being good. very very good... haha. i figured out that since the beginning of 2nd semester, i've lost like 11 lbs. now i just gotta lose another 20. this will be fun.
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| silky smooth... |
[04 Jun 2004|08:53pm] |
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christina aguilera-blessed |
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i have my first real swim meet tomorrow!! haha i'm so fucked, i've only been to three practices... lol oh well. i've been eating sooo much today. in biology, the teacher made sushi, so i had two pieces of that, and then i ate part of an apple, and then i went to my grandma's after school. bad bad idea. she kept pullin out the food and wouldn't let me not eat. so i had strawberries, spaghetti, and chocolate. then i went to swim practice, came back, and my mom made mexican food. i ate some of that, and then i made cookies for the pot luck at adriana's dance studio tomorrow. i ended up eating some of the cookie dough, and the cookies are in the oven now. so i feel like a total pig, but whatever. i waxed my arms last night, and now they're all soft and smooth. yay!! adriana was like "your arms are so pretty!!" hahaha i love that girl. well, off to watch tv... bye!
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